For many years, November has been associated with relationships, back to the roots, with unhurried time spent with people we love so much and with the remembrance of those to whom we owe the fact that we are here. And although I carry them in my heart every day, this time is special in this respect.
“When you look deep into your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. They are all alive in this moment. Everyone is present in your body. You are the sequel to each of these people“. – Thich Nhat Hanh
Recent years have been a time of personal wandering through the stories of my ancestors and relatives. All of them written in me were waiting to be discovered, met and healed. And probably someday I would knock my head if someone told me about how various past events reflect in our lives. Today I know that this is what is happening and this is confirmed by numerous studies. Each story, even the most painful and difficult, is waiting to be told, accepted and healed. Each of our family members is an integral part of our history. The more we displace it, the more it pressures. The more we run away from it, the faster it chases us. The more we are ashamed of something, the more we cut ourselves off from ourselves and others. The more we avoid and reject someone, the harder it becomes for us to find peace and love every day. That’s why I feel there is no point in running away any longer.
And it is absolutely not about pretending that nothing happened, that someone did not hurt us, and that our relationships are (were) beautiful and supportive. Because often they weren’t. What is difficult cuts us off from each other. It cuts us off from others. It cuts us off from belonging. Surrounded by people, we feel totally lonely deep down. We stop trusting ourselves, others and the world that surrounds us.
And yet we are all human. We need a relationship. We need a bond. We need a sense of belonging. We need touch, conversation and the feeling that we are part of “something bigger”. We need to be accepted. Who we are.
We will not turn back time, we have no influence on what happened years ago, on the behavior of people who surround us (or who surrounded us). However, we have an influence on the here and now. We have a real influence on how our life turns out. For the decisions we make every day. We have an influence on what we choose for ourselves.
We need a little courage to stop and look behind us for a moment. Not to scratch, ponder and limp in the past. In order to recognize, express, accept and heal. Then we can move on to new, even better ones. And I wish you the most courage that each of us carries inside!
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash